i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dear god my vagina.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
