And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
