hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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