Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
