eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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