The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
