I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
