he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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