your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
wow bdsm is so cute
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