I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
