why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize