i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
