i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize