I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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