I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
