Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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