Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Pants are for mortals
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