Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My ATM looks so different sober.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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