i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
