I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just want to make out with him forever
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
