The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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