After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
