so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
