i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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