Umm I'm too high to move.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
