sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
