New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
