My room smells like vodka and shame
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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