i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
