one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
