U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
