be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
