I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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