He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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