I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
