me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
