so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
