Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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