Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
