I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
