you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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