You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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