I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
