This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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