Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
