Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
