I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
