Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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