So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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