dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it hurts more in the daytime
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
