I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize