Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize