I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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