if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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