thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize