i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
