I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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