apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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