I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
either way he was missing a nipple.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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