I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
