its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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