good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
