What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
