I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
