Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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