If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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